The problem of in-laws is the one which many wives wish did not exist in marriage. This is because it is the bane of many ailing marriages. Many daughters-in-law tend to dislike their mothers-in-law and not many daughters-in-law have ever had any thing good to say in regards to a mother-in-law. Many spinsters wish that they can not need one once they marry their husbands. Motorcycle accidents
Many mothers-in-law tend to be seen as overbearing, busybodies and a wife's greatest rival. The questions to ask are:
'Why are mothers-in-law generally understood by their daughters-in-law?' 'Are mothers-in-law truly bad?'
In many homes across the entire world, especially in African settings, there is usually an unending, raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.
You can find two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband on one hand and the mother-in-law on one other hand. To manage to provide understand the reasons for the conflict, it is pertinent to gauge the roles played by each party to the conflict.
The wife and her husband
Many wives, especially African wives, enter into marriage, fully prepared for battle predicated on pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and must certanly be put in their right places. Thus they have formed an opinion of these in-laws and have concluded that the in-laws are antagonists. So, if a wife has a kind and loving mother-in-law, she would misconstrue anything that the mother-in-law says or does.
A partner might have an illusion that when her husband marries her, he must abandon his parents and cling to her. This illusion is dependant on a scripture that says that '' A person will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'' ;.By their faulty interpretation with this scripture, they seem to forget that the exact same scripture commands that 'a person should honor his parents''
A sensible man will not abandon his parents while he married a wife. She must continue steadily to relate using them and to supply for them. However, his relationship using them shouldn't allow unnecessary interference in his affairs, especially marital affairs by his relations.
Unfortunately, in several places especially in Africa, relations do interfere in the marital affairs of a married relation and this attitude is really a product of an African's cultural values specially the extended family system.
The extended family system of the Africans is really a beautiful and commendable cultural system which allows a member to be his brother's keeper. However, one major defect of this system is really a member's assumed directly to meddle in the marital affairs of another member.
No parent has the right to meddle in the marital affairs of a boy except the son grants them the ability to do so. Such powers, when given tend to be abused and the mother-in-law is the principle culprit. A son who grants rights of interference to his relations is actually with a lack of maturity and remains in bondage to his parents i.e. tied for their apron strings. Marriage is for adults and real men. Real men aren't just men by physique as some men really are. Maturity is the capability to take full responsibility for one's actions and to manage one's challenges
There's an environment of difference between a healthier respect for one's parents and servitude to them. Many men don't seem to understand this difference. A son who allows undue interference in his marital affairs is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests and resents such interference. In this wise, the son/husband has become a part of the problem.
Some men are emotionally attached for their parents especially their mothers and this is actually the loop a mother-in-law takes advantage of to trouble her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law
A mother-in-law really wants to be loved and accepted by her son. She really wants to be remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the most intimate but non-sexual relationships.
Mothers usually are very passionate about their sons. Some mothers who may have experienced rough and difficult marriages in their time with probably impossible husbands usually take solace in their children to comfort them and take care of them. They could have suffered a great deal and had borne numerous indignities to teach and bring up their children. They would see their children as their little husbands.
Suddenly, a woman appears on the scene to take away her son's attention from her. She feels oppressed and becomes heartbroken. The mother fails to understand that when her son gets married, she now is one of the backseat while her daughter-in-law takes leading seat in her son's life. The mother still desires to truly have the full attention of her son which her daughter-in-law will dsicover as rivalry and competition.
Therefore the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a challenge for the interest and control of the son/husband.
Some mothers-in-law are unnecessarily difficult and can not be pleased or satisfied with a daughter-in-law. Sometimes it is out of envy particularly if the mother-in-law had a tough and unhappy marriage and her daughter-in-law now has a pleased and cordial relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have good intentions, genuinely thinking about the welfare of these son that your daughter-in-law may misconstrue to mean poke nosing.
